At around two months after separation, both boys and girls often become frightened and confused. They may also become clingy and start behaving immaturely, going back to patterns of behaviour they had grown out of.
They may become aggressive, especially boys. Boys particularly tend to seek out male attention and affection. Because they can become aggressive and confrontational, children risk becoming isolated and shunned by other parents or by their friends.
A child’s distress feeds on the mother’s distress and vice versa. It can be a vicious circle of painful feelings when the family splits up. Young children of this age are not yet mature enough to know how to understand, control or voice their feelings.
How parents can help
As well as talking to children simply and repeatedly about the separation, parents need to try if possible to maintain the family rules and routines. It is tempting for parents to relax the rules in these circumstances, but that may well make children feel less secure. On the other hand, suddenly becoming harsh and disciplinarian – which is likely when a parent is feeling overwhelmed by the experience of separation – will make children more anxious or frightened.