You would think that family lawyers were rubbing their hands together in glee at the prospect of more failed relationships over the stressful Christmas period being turned into juicy new clients. This is not the case.
Believe it or not, most family lawyers come to the job because they like people and want to help make things better – this is why we rail so much against the ‘money from misery’ tag. However, it is true that this time of year sees a marked increase in new enquiries from people who have found the stress of Christmas with their spouse too difficult to cope with. For many though, calling a family law specialist does not mean the end of their marriage.
Christmas and New Year have to be put into context. People tend to spend far more time with each other, cooped up in their homes, than they would at any other time of the year. This, coupled with excessive spending, drinking, eating and the in-laws, can make people tired, irritated and bored. The often inevitable result is stress, dissatisfaction and arguments.
The New Year brings a fresh start to everyone’s minds. Arguments that may have festered over Christmas get mulled over. It is possible that you might be feeling that perhaps your spouse is no longer the person you want to spend your retirement years with… or even February. But it is an enormous step to get from those thoughts to approaching a family lawyer, and an even larger step to actually getting divorced. So what should you do in January?
1. Take stock
Think about your marriage, your spouse, your children and your family life. For some people, separation and divorce is the only conclusion but don’t rush into a decision without reflecting on the good things in your relationship. Sometimes it helps to write things down – seeing things in black and white can really clarify your feelings about something.
2. Talk
Although it seems scary, you should try to talk to your spouse about your thoughts. It is possible that he or she is thinking the same. If it is not possible to discuss things between the two of you, you should at least talk to someone. Perhaps a friend or relative will provide the support you need at this time, or you could approach a professional counsellor (your GP can recommend someone).
3. Seek help
Relate is a relationship support service who specialise in helping people going through relationship problems. They will help you try to save your marriage if this is what you decide to do; they will help you through the separation if it is not possible. They have seen it all before and can help with the practical and emotional implications of a possible separation, whether you go with your spouse or alone.
4. Get advice
This is where the lawyers come in. It is often extremely useful to know what the process and procedure of divorce involves. Your solicitor should be able to give you an indication of how the family finances would be divided and what you and your spouse’s rights and responsibilities are. Making an appointment with a solicitor does not necessarily mean that divorce is the next step - it can be a fact-finding exercise. People come for advice to know where they will stand if they decide to separate. Your solicitor will not seek to persuade you either way about separating; our job is simply to listen to the facts and tell you what the legal position would be.
If you are struggling with the idea of divorce after Christmas then it may assist you to have a clear idea of what is involved. Being informed does not necessarily mean that divorce is inevitable – think of it as part of the jigsaw you need to put together to get a picture of what is right for you, your relationship and your family. Good luck.
Jessica Harrison