Adolescents also get angry and feel pain at the loss of a family they have known. Because they feel more adult, they may assume adult-like responsibilities and concerns. For example, they may express worries about the future of the family or the wellbeing of younger siblings.
The danger of a child assuming such adult-like burdens is that his or her own feelings of sadness and concern are glossed over which could lead to them feeling unsupported and even emotionally abandoned.
This can result in anger, particularly in boys, and withdrawal, especially in girls.
Older adolescents also tend to take refuge in sexual relationships, with research showing that the children of divorced parents tend to marry younger (and so are more likely to divorce themselves).
Adolescents do have a greater ability to communicate their feelings and this can mean a stronger bond with the parents during this stressful time. Sometimes an adolescent can develop a better individual relationship with a parent once the atmosphere of tension or conflict is reduced.
Performance at school often diminishes and can lead to dropping out early from the educational path.
How parents can help
Although it easy to be persuaded by a child’s apparent ability to help and understand, adolescents still need parents to parent them.
These children are the ones most obviously caught in the middle, because they become the confidante of one or both parents and feel forced either to take sides or to engage in a constant test of loyalty. Teenagers need to be free of this difficult position. It is important for them to have their say, but children even of this age cannot be expected to exercise adult judgment over the long-term effects of , for example, choosing to put their social life above seeing their other parent. Parents need to take a long-range view for them and ensure that they maintain that relationship with the other parent (unless violence or abuse indicates otherwise).