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Divorce law blog

Taking back control of separation with mediation

26/01/2018   By: Tim Whitney

There are many different emotions that accompany separation or divorce.  One of the most common is the fear of uncertainty and the inevitable loss of control that comes with the breakdown of a relationship and the involvement of lawyers, judges and court proceedings.

What will my lawyer tell me to do?  What will my partner's lawyer tell them to do?  What will the law allow us to do? What will a judge decide is best?

The cost saving benefits of mediation are frequently sung from the rooftops, but I believe the real jewel in the crown is that it hands control back to you. It allows you and your ex to discuss your unique challenges and come up with solutions that are tailor made for you, your children and your family. 

These bespoke solutions can cover anything but might include:

  • the small (but often vitally important) details of the day-to-day arrangements for the children to fit around work, commutes, clubs or after school commitments; 
  • creative financial arrangements to prioritise the payment of private school fees or other educational costs when a court may consider it unaffordable or a luxury;
  • a schedule to share the care of family pets after separation; or
  • the co-ordination of holiday arrangements to ensure they match your extended family so you can all holiday together.

The mediation process allows couples to take back control of the process and work together to provide certainty after the chaos.  The couples I see in mediation will frequently be proud of what they have achieved, and more importantly, proud they achieved it together.  This sets a very helpful precedent for life after separation.

There is lots of information about mediation, family lawyers and other ways of sorting things out on www.divorce.co.uk, whether you are married or not.  Here at Mills & Reeve, we have specialist lawyers who are trained as mediators, collaborative lawyers and arbitrators, all of whom have the necessary skills and experience to help you, whatever your family situation.

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